Laura

Hi and welcome to another episode of Unsung Stories, thanks so much for joining us.

 

Bec

Thank you for having me.

 

Laura

My pleasure. So that our listeners can get to know you a little bit more. Could you tell us a bit about yourself and what your family life looks like?

 

Bec

Yeah, I have a husband. We've been married for 11 years. His name's Pete. And we've got two girls. They're six and four.

 

Laura

Oh, beautiful. What do you like doing for fun during the week Bec?

 

Bec

During the week for fun. I think that usually just consists of getting up, doing the school run. Six hours later do it again and yeah, I actually just started studying this year as well. So

 

Laura

What are you studying?

 

Bec

I'm studying natural medicine and nutrition.

 

Laura

Wonderful.

 

Bec

Yeah.

 

Laura

So that sounds all like a bit of a juggling act. Could you share how you prioritize your relationship with God during this time?

 

Bec

Yeah, I think as a family from day one, we always said we need to prioritize church. And for me personally, Bible study as well. And I find as well, since becoming a mom, that some weeks that's all I can do. If I can get fed those ways with, you know, seeing my brothers and sisters in Christ and talking to them about struggles in the ups and downs of the week and opening God's word together, then I'm much more I'm set up for the week ahead, I guess, with church and it just gives you that spur to keep going.

 

Laura

Yeah. How do you feel like your relationship with God has changed since you became a mom? What was it like before you had kids and what's it like now?

 

Bec

I think before I had kids, I think I was quite naive about life, I think. And then since starting our kid journey, just so much has happened that has caused me to just depend on His so much more. And now I don't know how I got through so shallow without His before.

 

Laura

So how do you feel like your relationship with God has changed since you became a mom? What was it like before you had kids? And what's it like now?

 

Bec

Yeah, I think before I had kids, I think it was like I read the Bible and it was probably more I read the Bible before. But since having kids, I think I understand the Bible more. I feel like since having kids there's been event after event that is just kind of being layer after layer causing me to depend on His so much more and so much more deeply. We had fertility troubles. We tried for four years for my first.

 

Bec

And then when my second was born, she was a twin that we lost very early on. And then she was born with a heart defect and needed a surgery before she was one. Yeah. And I think through that, although it was hectic and totally unfair, I just feel like that I never felt like He wasn't there. And it just caused me to depend on His so much more because I couldn't have gotten through it without His grace and His love and His comfort.

 

Laura

Mhm. Well all of that sounds like a huge struggle and a lot for someone to go through. Has any of that caused you to struggle in spending time with God? Did you not want to go to His or was it making you fall on your knees before Him or bit of both?

 

Bec

Probably both I think caused me to go the other way. I think from what I said before, about before I would read the Bible and then afterwards I understood it more, and it kind of took a shift from reading my Bible less to just talking to His more, which possibly comes with the dependency me depending on His more.

 

Laura

It sounds like there was a shift from it all being head knowledge to this heart relationship that you had with God.

 

Bec

Yeah, and I think I still struggle as well to read the Bible.

And I know I depend more on just a daily conversation kind of thing. And with that comes, I guess, not growing and understanding. And it kind of, it could possibly become a selfish kind of I need this. This is about me and I'm struggling. But I think in a season of life, that's OK sometimes.

 

Laura

Yeah.

 

Bec

Like you said, it's gone less from a head like and what you've been taught in Sunday school and the stories to personal relationship and how God works and how He is everywhere, and He has control over everything.

 

And yes, bad things can happen. But He is still sovereign, and He is still powerful, and He is still going to make good things happen from bad things.

 

Laura

And He’s your father who loves you and He’s holding you.

 

Bec

Yes. 100%

 

Laura

So you've gone through these really big things over the last few years that have drawn you closer to God. But what about everyday life in motherhood that's being thrown in there? Because as much as you've struggled to become a mom or you've had kids and your youngest heart surgery, how have you gone in every day in motherhood in seeking Jesus?

 

Bec

When I feel like we're coming out of that bubble and the kids are getting older and I think I'm more involving them more. And it's becoming a shared experience of enjoying God kind of thing, so I still am terrible at reading my Bible, but every day we read it with the kids for bed and every day on the school trip we've got Jesus music on, especially if we've had a rough morning and everyone's emotional Jesus music just calms us down and we all have a rocking time worshipping God in the car and it just really zones our thinking for the day. I find I really notice the difference.

 

Laura

Have you ever found a helpful way that works for you to read the Bible?

 

Bec

Yeah.

 

Bec

So when it was actually the week that Noah was in hospital, my youngest having her surgery, I got a bullet journal and that was my that became my outlet. I've just started my fifth bullet journal.

 

Laura

So for all of us who don't know what a bullet journal is, could you explain that for us, please?

 

Bec

It's basically a journal and a diary and anything you want to make it to be. So I've got my calendar in it. I've got journaling pages. I've got scriptures in it. I've got sermon notes in it. I've got

 

Laura

Great.

 

Bec

Yeah.

 

Laura

So how, how do you use that. Do you like write down what you've written or are you drawing or how does that work?

 

Bec

All of the above. Sometimes I'll do some word out of scripture verses. The way that I've laid out my calendar page is I've got my events at the top and then I've got a big gap at the bottom. And every day at the end of the day, I just [inaudible 00:06:29]. I have my Bible open, try to and just [inaudible 00:06:35] it’s usually a prayer.

 

Laura

That helps you kind of reorientate to God and …

 

Bec

Yeah, another thing I've been tracking in it as well is, I've been working on the fruits of the spirit, so I've got a gauge from one to 10 of how I feel I'm going on each of the fruit to the spirit and I'm just working my way through them one by one so love joy peace patience.

 

Bec

I skipped over patience for a bit and then [inaudible 00:07:03],

 

Laura

Yeah, that's cool. And I think helpful, like when you're actually being honest with yourself. But also it can be helpful to say, hey, like, I'm not where I want to be, but I'm going better than I thought.

 

Bec

Yeah.

 

Laura

And that's encouraging for the days where it is a zero.

 

Bec

Yes, totally.

 

Bec

And I noticed some as well. Like, you know, I worked on love to begin with, and I felt like I was in a good place. And I started working my way through the other ones and felt you know I need to come back to love for a bit because that's slackened a bit

 

Laura

And helpful because I mean, both of us natural default then was patience like, oh, I need patience in motherhood, but actually joy is one. And so how am I cultivating joy and enjoying what God's given me and celebrating that? And yeah, there's lots of good ones like this, obviously the ones that we find hard.

 

Laura

But to actually cultivate goodness is and joy is a helpful thing to be reminded of

 

Bec

Totally, especially in a culture where we're told to want more and need more, and things aren't good enough and then things can always be better.

 

Laura

Yeah.

Has there been anything in particular that has really grown you as a Christian? You've had lots of big things. Has anything stood out as the thing that has grown you and matured your way of choosing to be like Jesus in these times?

 

Bec

Yes, so I think obviously having kids is enough to grow your patience and your love and your joy and everything, but I think you know we've had a sucky feeling like it was hard to have kids and then everything that happened with my youngest, with open-heart surgery.

 

Bec

And then after that, I was having panic attacks. And then it's like, I can't pinpoint this to a time. I can't blame this on anything but something like it's taken a toll on our marriage as well. And this year's been really hard to the point where my husband and I actually separated for four months during the middle of a pandemic. And the one thing I take away is just I remember seeing this Christian counsellor, after Noah's surgery when I was having in the peak of my anxiety and we started to have these marital problems.

 

And she wrote down on this Post-it note, I'm holding steady. I still have that Post-it note in my bullet journal. And I just remember through it all like it's just constantly in my brain. I'm holding steady. I know the truth of Jesus. I know that God is with me. I know that God has control over all of this. He's carrying me through this. And there are times when things have happened. I'm like, I don't know how I've gotten through this.

 

It's only by God's guidance that I am totally oblivious to that I have gotten through this. So, yeah, that's the only thing I can do. I can stand firm to my convictions that, you know, Jesus died for me, He died for all of us. And I know that truth and I'm holding steady through it.

 

Laura

Bec, how would you encourage the mom who loves Jesus, but is just feeling distant to His in this season?

 

Bec

I'm going to say that counsellor said to me, just hold steady, you know the promises of God and He’s got you and He is going to guide you and He’s going to actually carry you through this.

 

Bec

And there are some days, some weeks, some months even where you won't be able to pick up your Bible. But pop the worship music on or, you know, pop the audio Bible on or just doodle in your journal just talk His in your head in the middle of the crying, and the chaos that's happening around you, even if the crying is yours, hold steady.