Laura

Well, welcome to another episode of Unsung Stories, thank you so much for joining us, Bronwyn.

 

Bronwyn

Well, thanks for having me. Excited to be here.

 

Laura

Just so that our listeners can get to know you a little bit more. Could you tell us a bit about yourself and what your family life looks like?

 

Bronwyn

Yeah, for sure. So I live on the Central Coast, nice and close to the beach, which I love. But at heart, I'd have to say I am a bit of a country girl. I grew up on a sheep and wheat farm out in rural New South Wales. My dad is a farmer out there, and I just absolutely love that. So I really [crosstalk 00:00:40], yeah still miss the farm. So that's where my heart will always lie I think, but very happy to be on the coast now.

 

Very blessed of growing up in a Christian family. Beautiful Christian parents and my sisters are all Christian, so I feel really blessed about that. I can honestly say I've loved Jesus probably for as long as I can remember. I can't really remember a time when He wasn't a significant part of my life.

 

I've been married to Josh now for about ten and a half years and we have two beautiful boys. We have Caleb, who is six, and Levi, who is just turned three. So they keep us pretty busy. I spend most of my time as a stay-at-home mom, but I am doing some casual work. I'm a midwife and an immunisation nurse as well here on the coast. So I work one or two days a week doing that and spend the rest of my time at home with the boys. Which is where I prefer to be.

 

Laura

Oh yeah, that's beautiful. That all sounds like a bit of a juggling act. Could you share how you prioritise your relationship with God during this season?

 

Bronwyn

To be honest, I don't feel like I do it particularly well for a lot of the time. But, you know, we're all a work in progress. I feel like, you know, life with children. There's so many things that feel like they are priorities in the day, and so many things that take up time and distract me that, you know, I do struggle to prioritise God and, you know, very honest about that. I feel like, yeah, a lot of the time the days are so busy with school drop offs and pick-ups and looking after the little people that most of the time God just gets the dregs at the end of the day, which is a bit of a sad reality.

 

I do try, I like to read, so I try and read before bed at night, if I can. At that point, if I'm not falling asleep in prayer. Otherwise I try and read my Bible over breakfast often once the boys are set up, I try and do that. But, you know, my ability to do that does change at times [crosstalk 00:02:38]

 

Laura

Weetbix on the table, and kids going "Mum!"

 

Bronwyn

Yeah. Interruptions, but that's OK. That's OK.

 

Laura

That's really beautiful that you're modelling that as a priority to your boys. So even if you're not feeling like you're having an amazing time in the Word, you're modelling that that's a priority and that you want to seek Jesus. They don't need to know that you might not be getting as much as you'd like to.

 

Bronwyn

Absolutely, I am conscious that I want them to see it as a normal part of our day in a normal part of the week. And yeah, that's really important to make a priority of God for me. Another thing that we made a priority of always going to church each week if we could and taking the boys along with us. My mother-in-law used to say, "You know, we go to church even if we don't feel like it."

 

And to be honest, that is how it feels at times, dragging kids along with you. But, yeah, I just want to show them that to us, this is a priority. This is something that we think is really important and we want to show them that that's a really, really significant part of our week and something that we want to do all the time. So, yeah, most weeks I try and meet up with a couple of friends we meet up and read the Bible and just talk about, you know, life and Jesus and motherhood and how that all fits together.

 

So I really enjoy doing that this year, meeting up with them and just in one of the houses and just chatting through life, which has been really helpful as well.

 

Laura

Yeah, it's beautiful. How do you feel like your relationship with God has changed since you became a mum? Like what was it before you had kids and what's it like now?

 

Bronwyn

I feel like I, yeah I've left so much just in being a mum. I feel like my whole perspective on life is quite a lot different. You know, before I had kids, I feel like I had all the time in the world to do pretty much anything. You know, including reading my Bible or praying, you know, being at church and actually being present at that time there. I went to conferences and I went to concerts and home groups and prayer nights and all sorts of things, which was fantastic.

 

I feel like I had a good relationship with God. Absolutely. But I feel like being a mum has strengthened my relationship. Absolutely. Just because of the struggle and the challenges that comes with motherhood, I don't think I fully realised how much I really needed God before I had kids and how much I needed Him every single day. I think I just sort of floated through life easily in a lot of ways. Yeah I've been pretty blessed and never had any major dramas in my life, so, yeah. But motherhood, as you know, has really taught me my need for God and my need for Him every single day. You know, the long days, the sleepless nights, frustrations and exhaustion, like it's hard to get through that in your own strength.

 

And I don't know if that is even possible to achieve that. Yes. So, I don't think having children, I wouldn't say that my Bible reading, or my prayer life is significantly better in practise. It's probably worse. But I can say that I feel like my relationship with Him is stronger because I've really come to realise my need for Him and rely on Him. Just understand that I can't achieve things in my own strength. Before children I'd often try and sit and pray and read my Bible.

 

And I feel like these days, I don't often have the opportunity to sit there for half an hour or an hour to read God. But the moments that you do have are often more significant that I can have now. Days are often more like one long prayer rather than one specific prayer time. You know, God, give me strength to get through this tantrum or middle of the night, "Please, please, please, just make them go to sleep." It's a one constant conversation almost rather than, you know.

 

Laura

Yes. I think that [inaudible 00:06:27] becomes really a reality when you become a mum. It's just seems to have shifted to being this real deep dependence and relationship that you have now. I'm not saying that you didn't have a relationship before, but just I guess you're seeing more clearly, and you see what God has done for you and how much He loves you and just living in that relationship.

 

Bronwyn

Absolutely. I think I did have a, you know, I think we always had a relationship of some degree. But yeah, definitely that has got stronger and more significant in the last few years. Yeah, for sure.

 

Laura

I think we could all call motherhood a trial. And it just reminds me of James when it's that whenever you face trials of many kinds, you know, it's like that testing of your faith that produces perseverance. And it's that perseverance that will then finish its work in you so that you become mature and complete.

 

Bronwyn

The journey.

 

Laura

So what's something that's really grown you as a Christian in motherhood?

 

Bronwyn

I would say the biggest thing for me would actually have to been my journey into motherhood. So it took my husband and I several years to fall pregnant with both our boys. As probably most women do, I assumed that I would fall pregnant easily when we were thinking about having kids, and unfortunately, that wasn't to be our story. To cut a long story short, we tried for a long time naturally to fall pregnant. And when that wasn't happening, we eventually went and saw a doctor.

 

We had lots of scans and tests done of all descriptions. I also had some surgery to see what might be wrong. At the end of all that, it turns out that nothing was wrong, but we still weren't pregnant. In the end, we were diagnosed with what's called "Unexplained infertility", which was a pretty hard diagnosis to swallow as a midwife. I found it really hard to work out, you know, "What am I doing wrong? Why is this happening to me?"

 

But we weren't doing anything wrong. It's just how it was. So on the recommendations of the doctors around that time, they suggested to us that it would be a good idea to head down the path of IVF. And wasn't really something that we were that keen on doing. But it did seem like it was going to be the only way to achieve family that we were really wanting to have. But by absolute miracle, about five days before our first appointment, I found out that I was pregnant, which was a really lovely end to that journey.

 

So we were very happy with that. So we our second boy, it was a similar story. We tried for quite a while to fall pregnant, eventually went to a doctor again. Did some more tests to sort of see if there was anything going on at that point. But before I got to the actual point of having some of those significant tests, again, I found out that I was pregnant. Yeah, it was a bit of a journey for us.

 

I would say it's harder than some experience, when it comes to falling pregnant. But I'm very aware that, you know, it was much easier than many others have to go through as well. But it was a really tough few years for us when we were, you know, so desperate to have a child. And sort of got to the point where we thought, "Is this ever really going to happen for us?" Which was really, I found that really hard to deal with. Being surrounded by babies every day at work.

 

It was you know. All my life, I longed to be a mum. Was the one thing I always wanted to do. And I was, I got to the point where I thought it wasn't actually ever going to happen for us. So, yeah, that was tough. But I think that really, it really did grow me as a Christian. Really just brought home to me the lack of control that I had over my life. Really showed me just that God is in control at the end of the day, that we can do everything we know to do. But at the end of the day, He's in control and He has the perfect plan for our life.

 

It's just that we can't always see what that is. And I'm grateful that, you know, in hindsight, I'm very grateful that His timing is not my timing, because I can see that we needed that journey I think. And it has taught us such gratefulness. I think highlighted our dependence on God and taught me a lot of patience along the way as well, I'd have to say, yeah.

 

Laura

Must be nice when you look back on a hard time of your life to see God carrying you through that and to then now know when you are facing hard things, that God will carry you through those as well.

 

Bronwyn

Absolutely. Absolutely. And it just really shows that He is really with us and He can see that bigger picture that we can't see. I really struggled like, I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for something in my life as I prayed to fall pregnant. And, you know, again and again, His answer was just, "Not yet. Not yet." Yeah, I think it did help once we were trying the second time around. We did have a bit of a better perspective on it, and we were able to get through that time a lot easier because.

 

Laura

You knew it had happened before?

 

Bronwyn

Yes. Yeah, like we knew that, we knew it was possible and we knew that if it was what He wanted for us, then then it would happen. We just didn't know when.

 

Laura

And if not, then you can trust that what it says in the Bible is true and what it says about God character is true, that He is good and that He is loving. And then we might not understand why He makes the decisions that He does, but can submit to Him being God.

 

Bronwyn

Oh, absolutely. [crosstalk 00:12:05] 

 

Laura

Very, very hard place to get to.

 

Bronwyn

Yes. Yeah, it is. It's a hard concept to accept and to understand and get your head around. But yeah, absolutely.

 

Laura

It's very easy to say that when you're not the person wrestling with it. And I do think that we all have things in life where we have to, where we do wrestle and come to that trust in God's character, and His promises.

 

Bronwyn

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm just so grateful that we had, that we could have Him to turn to and have Him to lean on during that time because you know.

 

Laura

How heartbreaking if you didn't have that.

 

Bronwyn

Oh. I just, I don't know. I don't know how people would do that without any kind of hope or, you know.

 

Bronwyn

Comfort.

 

Bronwyn

Comfort. Absolutely. Yeah, for sure. It was challenging. Actually, during that time, I came across this really wonderful devotional that was written for exactly that place in life where I was at. You know, for women who were trying to fall pregnant and just, you know, every day, just sort of talking through a different aspect of it.

 

And it was just reminding you every day that He was in control and that He was guiding us through that. So that was really. So I found it through the Holy Bible app on my phone. And the actual plan was called "Infertility Encouragement from Sarah's Laughter." And it was just about a fifty-day plan, I think. With a devotional and a couple of passages that went along with that. And I really think that, you know, that was one of the big things that got me through every day. Was really good, really helpful.

 

Laura

Yeah. Great. And encouraging for me, like to hear that in your pain, in your suffering, that you turn to Jesus in that. It's what caused you to throw yourself onto Him.

 

Bronwyn

Yeah, absolutely. I think sometimes it takes a struggle or a hard time in your life to really throw you to Him. And I'm not sure that's really the ideal scenario, really exactly how He wants that to be necessarily. I'm sure He wants us to come to Him in the good times and the bad times. But I think He does use, definitely uses times like this to show us Him, and show Him. Show us, you know, His love and His-

 

Laura

Yeah, draw us nearer to Him.

 

Bronwyn

Absolutely. Draw us closer to Him for sure.

 

Laura

My favourite quote and it's become my favourite quote through the ups and downs of motherhood is, "I have learnt to kiss the waves that throw me up against the rock of ages by Charles Spurgeon." Is that not that perfect description of life?

 

Bronwyn

Yes, a perfect description of it. Absolutely.

 

Laura

I really do feel lucky getting up against that rock sometimes too.

 

Bronwyn

Thinking that's a really good description of how I felt a lot of the times.

 

Laura

How would you encourage the mama who loves Jesus but is struggling and feeling distant from Him in this season?

 

Bronwyn

I would just remind her that, you know, she isn't alone. I think we all feel alone at times. I think motherhood, you can be surrounded by children and people, but it can be awfully lonely. But God sees you whether you know it or not. He sees you and He knows you and He knows how you're feeling. And just because you feel distant from Him doesn't mean that He's actually distant from you.

 

It's quite the opposite. The Bible says He will never leave us or forsake us, and He doesn't. He's right beside us, just waiting for us to call on Him or to listen to Him. So it's so easy to feel distant. It's so easy to just get distracted with the busyness of life. You know, if you're feeling distant, do what I've done so many times and just ask Him to help you. Ask Him to, you know, to help you not feel distant. To give you time to read your Bible or to pray and just have those opportunities to get close to Him again.

 

Because if we ask you help us, you know, there's no doubt about that. And He'll just meet you where you're at. We don't have to do anything or say anything special. He comes right to us, you know, in the ordinary days, the mundane tasks that we're doing. He's right there with us. So just go to Him. That's what I would say.