Laura Smith 

Hi, Mandy and welcome to Unsung Stories. Thank you so much for joining us.

 

Mandy 

Thank you for having me.

 

Laura Smith 

My pleasure. Just so that our listeners can get to know you a little bit more, would you mind telling us a bit about you and your family and what everyday life looks like for you?

 

Mandy 

Yes, of course. Yes, as you said, I'm Mandy. I became a Christian around the age of 14, joining my youth group.

 

Laura Smith 

Nice.

 

Mandy 

That's also where I met my lovely husband, Mike.

 

Laura Smith 

Oh, when you were kids or teenagers?

 

Mandy 

16!

 

Laura Smith 

Stop it, that's beautiful.

 

Mandy 

Yes, it's one of those annoyingly cute stories that you hear.

 

Laura Smith 

And that you tell your own teenage daughters. No, that's not gonna happen.

 

Mandy 

Oh dear. Yeah, so we've been married for 11 years now.

 

Laura Smith 

Wow. How's that been?

 

Mandy 

Good! We're very much a team. You know, we're all about that we're a team. Everything's together. So, yeah, it's been good. It's good.

 

Laura Smith 

And you have kids?

 

Mandy 

Yes, so full time at home mumma to three boys. I have Max who's four, and two year old fraternal twin boys, Christian and Jesse.

 

Laura Smith 

Christian and Jesse. So how was twins?

 

Mandy 

Oh, my goodness. There's definitely few times in your life when you are genuinely surprised. Like, just was not on the radar. We were planning to have our second and I was you know, thinking okay, two-year age gap. That's great. And yeah, I think I was overcompensating, because when the obstetrician said it was twins, because I was like, so shocked.

 

Laura Smith 

Two-year age gap. So you had three in two years. That's awesome.

 

Mandy 

Yeah, we left the obstetrician's office, and Mike kept saying, Do you realise how many times you said, I'm so blessed. This is such a blessing. I'm so blessed. And I was like, I was just overcompensating, because I didn't want her to think that I didn't want twins or something.

 

Laura Smith 

Just a bit of a shock.

 

Mandy 

So, yeah. It's go-go-go in our household.

 

Laura Smith 

Yeah. So three in three years is pretty crazy. It sounds exhausting. I'd imagine there was lots of physical struggles. But was there any heart issues that are brought up for you?

 

Mandy 

Yes, definitely. It was very humbling. Having twins, like, instantly, humbling. You just, you can't do it by yourself. Like, you just can't physically manage them by yourself, but emotionally as well, pre-kids, you know, you realize it's all about me. Like I wake up in the morning. What do I want to do today? You know, do I feel like sleeping in? What time do I want to get out of bed? And then after kids all of a sudden, it's, it's not about you anymore. You have to be extremely, just, involved with them and not as self-centered. Obviously, you know, you need your self-care and to look after yourself, but your day revolves around them. Making sure they're fed, you know, they're warm. Do they need a nap? Like all the things. Yeah, so definitely, I would say for me, there was no room for self-pride. You know, you don't have the time to have a nice shower and do your hair and makeup in the morning. Got to get going the kids. So yes, definitely very humbling. But in a good way. And I found, even when I had my first, Max, he was a very good baby overall, and I felt quite confident with him. And kind of in my heart, I was like, Oh, I can do this. Like, I'm doing this mum thing really well, I've got it all together. And the twins changed that so much. And it really helped me learn to accept help, especially from the church. Like my church was so beautiful. They cooked me meals, they, even when I was heavily pregnant with the twins, could hardly move, they came and helped me set up their room, and, like, folded all their clothes. And it just made me realize what a blessing that is. Accepting help and going yeah, I can't do this by myself. You know, Mike has to be at work during the day. I'm looking after Max. When am I gonna do something like pre-prep my meals, or get them ready, and they're just going yeah, I would love to help. And just seeing the love that came from that was such a blessing, it was so lovely.

 

Laura Smith 

I feel like it highlights God's design for church community as well, that we are a family, and yeah, really like carry each other through that.

 

Mandy 

And that's how He's, you know, set us up to be. We need to be a community, we need to be a village. In Western culture, I feel like there tends to be a bit of a, I do it myself and I do it my way. You know, but we need that village around us. You know, because eventually, I can't wait to help, you know, other mummas. Like once my kids are older, I might see a mum at my church who needs help and support, and now knowing what a huge help it is, I can't wait now to be able to return that favour and kind of pass on that love.

 

Laura Smith 

AI think it's beautiful to have those big, big things of how we want to help people, but I think we forget how just encouraging a smile and a solidarity to that other mum who's struggling, like, Hey, I can open the door and hold it while you're walking out of creche, or something like that. You know what I mean?

 

Mandy 

Especially carrying a toddler and then you have a double pram with newborns, it's like, I  can't get that gate, can someone just. But honestly, those little things and a smile. Those things really do, to that mum, make a really big difference.

 

Laura Smith 

Yeah, it's a real blessing.

 

Mandy 

Another heart issue for me was just realizing I can accept la ack of control to my life. And you know, obviously twins wasn't part of the plan, even though it was awesome. We really wanted three kids ,and I had terrible pregnancies. You name the bad pregnancy thing.,I had it. I really feel like my body couldn't have gone through a third pregnancy. So part of me wonders was this kind of God's design for our family so that we could have three kids. You know, Him knowing our hearts' desires and going, I'm going to give you those three kids, but it will not be in a way you expected. So even though in my head, I'm like, okay, we'll have you know, two-year age gap, and we'll have three kids. This is what I love. That God might have another idea. And it will be different, but that's okay. Yes. On the other side of it as well. We moved right before COVID got really bad.

 

Laura Smith 

Great timing.

 

Mandy 

Yes, fantastic timing. Yeah, we moved to Brisbane, which we love. It was something we really wanted to do, obviously, leaving all the help and support was really hard. But it was something positive for us as a family. And you know, the plan was to drive up with the kids and get the cars towed there, and the flight got grounded. Okay, we're driving the 10 hours with our three children. And then the other plan was [my] Mum was gonna come up and stay with us for a bit and help me with the kids, and then the borders got shut. Okay, cool, cool. But obviously, a lot of people would have would have felt it, but a lack of control. But God, looking back now, I can see how much He provided for us in that time. An amazing church that has just really, yeah, welcomed us in with open arms. I put out an ad for a nanny to help me out a couple of mornings a week, and the first person that replied has been amazing. And she's just a joy to have in our house. Our neighbours are lovely, they also have young kids and they play together. Just all these things that I couldn't have, you know, made to happen, going ahead of me. I really feel He was looking out for us at that time.

 

Laura Smith 

So with all those big life changes, how is your relationship with God? So I feel like you're landed in this really beautiful place of appreciation. How was that wrestle to get there?

 

Mandy 

Not easy. It's definitely not easy. My relationship with God was definitely good through the whole time. But not in the same sense as I would have said it was good, say, pre-kids. I definitely wasn't attending church as much. I was finding getting to Bible study really hard. Kids are sick, things happen. I've definitely being reminded and comforted that our relationship with God is the relationship of the heart. And He sees us, and on those days where I just felt so awful that we couldn't get to church, or disappointed, or even, not that I should, but worrying, will other people be like, Oh, they haven't been here in two or three weeks in a row. What's going on? But He sees our heart, and He can see what was going on that morning, that our hearts are in it. We wanted to go, we're still orientating ourselves to Him. And took a lot of comfort in that going, It's okay. I don't have a tick these boxes. This is gonna look very different in this season of time, but that's okay.

 

Laura Smith 

And I guess there's a real grief and sadness that comes with that, like not being in community, and choosing your child's needs in that moment. And there is real sadness, because they're good things.

 

Mandy 

Exactly, like what we were saying before, you know, with the community, these are things He's put in place for a reason. But they're very much these seasons where the relationship with God does look very different. And you can make it work, like you can tweak things and just make it work for that season.

 

Laura Smith 

And I think that's key that it's a season. But I really did like your reminder that we're in a relationship with God, and that we serve Him, or we are with Him, and our heart orientates to Him in all of our life, not just ticking the box of going to Bible study that week. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of change, and just reflected on a lot over the last four years of motherhood. So what would your take home be? What's your biggest thought out of all of it?

 

Mandy 

Yeah, it was interesting once I sat down and started thinking about this, all these things started to flow out of my mind, like, oh, my goodness, there have been so many things in the last four years, but I think a few of them would be that God is definitely refining us through what may thing like very small and mundane things over the process of mothering very small children. It might seem like we've got nothing done that day, you know, you can look back on the day and go, what did I do apart from managing tantrums and these little dudes, but He really is refining us. Definitely that His people are such a blessing. And just to not take that for granted. And I really feel like God shows His love for us through those people, as well, and provides for our needs in that way. Just trying to let go of that need of control. With our very little ones, there is not much you can control. You can try, you can make plans, you can do all the things. You know, small and big things, it's really good to make our plans, but also to know that, you know, God's will be done. He's going ahead of us, and He does have control and He's watching over us. So just kind of, to take comfort in that, and that's what I've been trying to do, especially with the move and everything that's happened. Let go of that need that control, it's going to be okay. He's got your back. You don't have to have it all together all the time. It's okay, it's okay.

 

Laura Smith 

And isn't it pretty amazing, it's pretty easy to see Him in the big things of life when you reflect. But just that He even shows up in the little, just gives you those small little wins that you're like, Oh, that joining of the nap, so it was a bit longer just fueled me longer. And you can see God's kindness in it. A friend of mine once said to me, it was not that long ago, as I was complaining about the tired, sleeping baby actually. I was like, I just need God to help her sleep. And she said, God meets all of our needs, Laura. You want her to sleep. So you obviously don't need it, because God will provide. And honestly, I can see that, that He provides my ability to love more, or get through, even though I desperately wanted her to have a nap, so I could have one. I don't know, I just see Him in the little, and it's so beautiful.

 

Mandy 

It is in hindsight that you can look back and see those things. But let that make you go, you know what, I'm going to make an effort to see those small ways that He's caring for us. He is refining us for a purpose. And we came across this beautiful quote that says, when we place our need for control within His hands, we become the reflections of His glory and steadfast love. That's something that I've been leaning into.

 

Laura Smith 

How would you encourage other mums who are feeling similar to you? What truth would you remind her

 

Mandy 

And to remind myself as well. I would say, no matter where we are in our life, physically or spiritually, that God is there, He's in our hearts. There's nowhere that we can go that He isn't there. And that He's definitely going ahead of us. He is providing, He's setting up ways for things to fall into place. And it definitely might not be what you had planned or what you're expecting. But I feel He does it better anyway. He's God. He knows better, and He can plan things better than we would have done anyway. So trust in that and really lean into that. We might not see it at the time. But He really is there through all those things. And just to lean on Him in prayer, something I've relied on a lot. It can be big or small. It doesn't have to be glamorous prayers. It can be in between tantrums or during a tantrum, or when you're just feeling so overwhelmed. Just to stop and go, God help me. I don't know what to do. So in the world, please give me peace, give me patience. That's why I've been blessed with the Holy Spirit. It's there for a reason. It's there because we have access. It doesn't have to be a certain amount of time that we pray. It doesn't have to be in a certain place. You know, the Spirit's there, waiting. And it's such a gift. Remember that, you know, God's ready for us to pray.

 

Laura Smith 

That's beautiful.

 

Mandy 

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for the gift of motherhood, that you bless us with our little children to be watching over them, caring for them, and helping them to grow to know you. And we thank you for the ways that it refines us, in seen and unseen ways. But you always see. Please help us to lean on you during these seasons where there is a real lack of a sense of control, and to help us find peace in you amongst it all. And sow in our hearts that you are there with us, every moment of every day, and that we are never alone. Your Spirit is there guiding us. We pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.

 

Laura Smith 

Amen.