September 13, 2021

Laura Smith

Hi, Roz, and welcome to unsung stories. Thank you so much for joining us.

Roz

Hi, Laura. Thanks for having me.

Laura Smith

My pleasure, so that our listeners can get to know you a little bit more. Would you mind telling us a bit about you and your family and what everyday life looks like for you guys?

Roz

Sure. So in our family, we have four in our house at the moment. So there's myself, my husband, and our two kids, one, who's nine, and the other who's seven. Some days, there's more kids than that with foster parents as well. So every now and then there's others. But at the moment, it's just four of us. I work as an occupational therapist, I try to work as little as possible. And it's like, one day a week. I work with kids. My husband,  is a chaplain at the jail in ****, Yeah, I guess what I'm not working, not doing kids. My kids are back at school, which is great. That's freed up my time. A lot, which is strange. So I do try to get involved in teaching. Sorry, scripture, school community stuff, but I will say the church.

Laura Smith

Awesome. Mum life.

Roz

That's right.

Laura Smith

So you've told me a fair bit of your story and the challenges that your family have? I mean, you mentioned that your foster family as well. Could you share a bit of an overview of what all of this has looked like with our listeners?

Roz

Yeah, sure. So we started fostering a few years ago, and we've had a few kids who are at home. The first girl we had was a disaster, to be honest, that was a few years ago, she had an intellectual disability, she became quite violent, and it got a bit unsafe, or quite unsafe for our kids. And we ended up having to end that placement, which is really sad.

Laura Smith

How was that? Like? Was that pretty humbling?

Roz

Yeah, I felt like a massive failure. And I felt like, I felt really sad for her that we were just another name on a list of all these people who let her down and abandon her. But um, yeah, the right thing to do for our kids. Yeah.

Laura Smith

I'm imagine that'd be hard. Yeah. So sorry, I interrupted you What happened next?

Roz

No, you're right. And then the last load of kids we had with siblings, a little boy and a girl, four and five years old. And we had them for 18 months, and they just left in April, a couple months ago. They're beautiful kids, and we miss them a lot. But yet, life was pretty intense, having them in our home. And you know, they came with a lot of challenging behaviors. And you know, when kids learn that adults aren't safe, and they've had no routines, you know, they've become, you know, they have these behaviors about refusing to do what they're asked to do fussy eating. Yeah. And then we also have this big journey of disclosure of sexual abuse, and going through that process with them, and counselors, and detectives and all that. So that was pretty distressing and hard. Yeah, but I feel like God prepared us really well, to our foster kids, like with my job as an OT with kids and my husband working in the jail with a lot of blokes who've been through the foster system. And I've experienced all kinds of hard situations. You know, we've had a lot of training in trauma and all that. But you know, despite all that, despite being well prepared, it was really hard. Yeah, just upsetting, frustrating all of that.

Laura Smith

That's really, that's really hard, but also encouraging, because I feel like you guys were equipped for it. And you're still saying, it was really hard.

Roz

Yeah, yeah.

Laura Smith

Other people putting their hand up to do it. Who might not have your professional capacity? I think that's really encouraging for them.

Roz

Yes. And I probably have other things that I'm not good at that they're better at.

Laura Smith

Ahh motherhood.

Roz

Yeah. pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses.

Laura Smith

That sounds really full on, did it bring any heart issues out in you as you're going through this tension?

Roz

Yeah, like so many Gosh, and you know, it's been hard to pick just a couple to talk about. I think the big one for me, which is, you know, probably an issue before foster kids as well, to be honest, was just anger and pride and feeling angry all the time. Yeah, like the kids were really full on. And the girl in particular, she just would push me away constantly. And like, we know, with trauma and fostering that, you know, the first five years of a kid's life are really important for building attachment and learning trust and safety in relationships. And so this girl, you know, she was removed at five. So she's missed all of that foundational time. You know, she was also the oldest was probably, you know, caring for other siblings, was possibly the target of more abuse as well. So, you know, she'd learned not to trust adults to fend for herself, you know, and would constantly sabotage our relationship, which is really common in fostering that as soon as they start to feel safe. They, not consciously but they're, you know, their brain is just trying to protect and they deliberately do something to wreck the relationship and to bring that chaos back and so they feel more comfortable and fending for themselves and not relying on anyone which is really sad. Yes, I knew what is in my head, right? There's all these great reasons why she had all these behaviors and why she treated me the way she did. But I just found it really hard of seeing on the inside all the time. Like it was horrible. I just hated feeling angry all the time.

Laura Smith

Have you ever thought through? Through why why you felt like that?

Roz

Yeah. So I think I had to really reflect on that. Like, I remember saying to myself one day, why, why is this bothering you so much? Like he knew that she was going to do this? You know, this is typical behavior, foster child, why are you letting this affect you so much. And, you know, reflect on reflection, I realized that it was a pride issue, which, you know, I've struggled in different forms with for over the years. And they're even Yeah, I knew this wasn't about me, we did this for them, not for us. I don't need anything from her in my heart. I really wanted her to love me and respect my house and respect my rules. And like, there's so many situations where I would just read in my head, like, for example, like whenever I have a friend over, like an adult female friend, you know, she'd be so sweet and charming, you know, and everyone thought she was this sweet little girl at the pool and thing, which you know, is all true as well. But as soon as they would leave, which was seen as they walk out the door, she'd look at me even you know, all this stuff is like a 15 year old. And she's you know, she put her head to one side, and she'd be like, she's prettier than you. I bet her house is nicer than yours. She probably has better toys than yours. Maybe you're gonna live at her place. The first time she said that. I was like, Are you kidding? I was - it made me so angry. And so like, in my head, I'm ranting, like, I'm just go on these little monologues in my head right? Now be ranting away. You know, like, she doesn't even love you. She's not a foster carer. She signed up to do this to the morning. But that's not how it works. Yeah. And oh my gosh, so

she sees your weak point. She could get it

Laura Smith

She she was so street smart. Like she would just know how to push all your buttons. And your and then, you know, she'd go on about it. Like she really missed her mom, obviously, you know, she didn't she never asked to be taken away from her mom and talking in my house. But you know, so of course, she loved her mom. And, you know, she'd go on about how you know, I trust my mom more than you. And, you know, she yelled at me and stomp off, you know, so I'm ranting my heart about you know, I'm a way better man than your mom. You know, why are you still yelling at me about her? You wonder why she's failed to keep me safe. I've sacrificed everything for you. I'm a great mom, you know, you should love me, you know, is what I'm saying in my head bearer thing to me that out loud. But in my heart is a very ugly place at times. Thank you for being honest. Because I feel like you don't hear that from like, imagine actually saying that.

Roz

Right? I would never say that. It's shocking. But that's what I would feel and think all the time.

Laura Smith

Oh, that's really hard. So you're feeling these big feelings while you're reminding yourself off?

Roz

Yeah, so I had to work really hard to remind myself that I have everything I need in Christ. And I think that's something I'm still working on. But I've always been a people pleaser. I've always cared too much about what other people think about me and I like people like me. But yeah, gradually over time, I can see how God's growing me in that, that my identity is secure in him. And that no human relationship will ever feel me completely. Like even even my husband, right? He's great. He loves me. But he's not perfect. I'm not perfect. You know, he doesn't know my heart all the time. We're all sinful, we're all gonna let each other down and hurt each other. You know, that bucket analogy. I don't know if your kids have like that at school, my kids on that, which is a great little story. And you know, going from A to B in relationships with each other and to love each other, it's a good thing to fill each other's buckets, right? But I guess reflecting on also reminding myself that as Christians, we know that our relationships are broken, but that Jesus can always feel our bucket to overflowing. And I love that. You know, the Lord is my shepherd Psalm where he talks about you know, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil your rod and your staff will comfort me and my cup overflows. Just that yeah, that picture of our cup overflowing Christ, even though other people have drained our buckets. You know, the Lord is my shepherd that was like the original bucket analogy take that, you know, I have everything I need in him I have every spiritual blessing and what stuck in Ephesians one and adoption and is and you know, we've been chosen in Christ. You know, I can have contentment and peace and joy resting in knowing who I am in Christ. You know, despite everything that's going on, in my relationship to my house, my foster kids or you know, my husband or my biological kids, whoever it is. That's really beautiful. Yeah, that's been really Yeah, really helpful to think about. It's one thing to think it's another thing to feel it but I'm yeah, working on that.

Laura Smith

I think we need to do that though. So I know we spoke about in Rachel's episode on doubt in season one, she was We're talking about Psalm 77. I think it's talking David's crying out to God, like, where are you? I'm reaching outstretched hands and you're not. It feels like you're silent. It feels like you're not there. And then you get to halfway through the Psalm. And he's like, but I will remember your deeds from long ago. And he just he doesn't feel God's presence, but he's reminding himself of truth. So you can not feel like your cups over.

Roz

Yes, times. I love how to do that. Hey, let me give you permission to just cry out. In all emotion. Doesn't matter what emotion it is. And then yeah, and then they hear they often use the same, remind themselves of truth, and then that turns into praising God.

Laura Smith

Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it? And God can handle that raw emotion.

Roz

Yeah, what a gift. be human.

Laura Smith

Yeah. Go to him. It's amazing. Has there been anything else that you've been having to wrestle with?

Roz

Yeah, what you're just saying that about, like, God can handle that, like, all those emotions, like, I've, I feel like, as a foster mom, but also before fostering like, as a mom, mom, like dealing with fear and worry for our kids, and, you know, grieving the broken world that our kids are living in? Yeah, like, I'd have people say, as a foster mom, I've heard people say to us, often people who aren't Christians will say, well, and often Christians, do you actually, you know, say things like, you know, I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it. You know, you guys have such big hearts. You know, I just couldn't bear you know, having kids and risk them take being taken away from you or being sent back to the mothers or, you know, I couldn't do it with kids in my house, my own kids, you know, I'd be worried that it would mess them up. And all of that I feel like all of that is so true. Like, it is terrifying. There is so much to be afraid of. And my heart is not big enough at all. And like, when people say that, I'm like, Yeah, no, I'm totally with you. Like, yeah, I remember, like, feeling totally terrified before our first kid arrived, and even just in application process of being foster parents, like just being really terrified about this idea of doing it and thinking, what are we doing, like we've got, we have no idea who we're gonna get, we know they're gonna have problems, you have no idea what their problems are, or whether we can handle them. But then, you know, just knowing that God has put this on our heart to do fostering and that he knows this kid that we're gonna get, he knows us, you know, and just trusting that he will help us and help our kids with whatever was going to happen. Yeah, like,

Laura Smith

it'd be a real, real real test for me to all my humility. So when people's like, I don't know how you don't like yeah, I'm pretty, pretty good job. Yeah, I actually think I would probably be like, yeah, I'm gonna, I'm a good mom, and then be so humbled when it doesn't go. According to my plan.

Roz

Yeah, there's definitely elements of you know, as I said, before, I'm a people pleaser, I love people to think I'm awesome. Life is definitely elements of that as well. But yeah, I think that, um, like, for all mums, there's this point where we just need to help our kids to God and trust that whatever happens, he's with them, and he knows them. And, you know, there's so many times where, you know, we put our kids to sleep or drop them off at school, and you know, we're not with them. We don't know what's happening in their day, we don't know what's going on in their little hearts. And we, you know, we can't protect them all the time. And I love I have no idea where it's from, but that verse that says, something along the lines of you know, the Lord is faithful, he'll establish you and guard you against evil been, you know, and I don't take that to mean that he'll stop bad things from happening to them. I often pray this for my kids. You know, we know our world is broken. Christ hasn't returned yet, but I do take it to mean that he'll guard our hearts and keep us safe and Jesus to the end. So, you know, I pray for my kids, that my biological kids and my foster kids that, you know, whatever happens in their little lives, that he keeps him trusting in Him. And, you know, I know he'll use hard things to do that. Like he's done that in my life. Everyone I know. Christians, I love and respect has used hard times to shake them. So I know that that will be part of their journey. But, you know, trusting that he will grow them closer to him through that.

Laura Smith

And so part of that refinement process, right. Yeah, there's so much comfort in that. That God is refining. I see the hard things in life. Yes, yes. It is not just hard for partners sake. Yes, there is lots of Yeah. Is molding has to be Mike Jesus through it. And for our kids as well.

Roz

Yeah. And what a What a beautiful thing that is for our kids, like terrifying. We like we don't want to see our kids go through hard things. But like I really seen in our kids, how he's changing them, like, without the first foster kid that I had that we mentioned earlier that became quite unsafe for our kids. Like she took we go through this routine, often in at night. Like she took lots of really heavy duty meds, got medications to control her behaviors and help her sleep. And often at night, we're getting this I don't know how it happened, but like night times just really scary for a lot of foster kids, I think but you know, she often has have these big meltdowns at night. And they go on for hours, like she'd kick and scream and throw things around a room and she broke a door and the bed frame and all of a toys and all her precious things like she would just break them all and throw them around. And this would go on to like 10 o'clock at night often. And then the method ticking and then she'd conk out and go sleep. And yeah, so that'd be scary for you. And there was nothing you could do, like, you would just kind of have to leave it to it. Like she would escalate more if you tried to. Anyway, there's lots of things we tried. But yeah, so our poor kids in their room, who were you know, were quite little at the time and normally asleep in bed by seven o'clock or something, uh, lying awake, listening to all this. And like, we'd often end up, you know, going in between them and her and or one was with them, and one was with her, or, you know, whatever. And we often end up debriefing with our kids after she'd finally gone to sleep. And I remember so vividly one night, you know, we're just talking about how we're feeling that this girl in a house, and my little daughter, she's, she's redhead. And she she's very expressive and emotive and dramatic, right, but and she's signing on to these conversion teeth. She's, I hate her. She's, I don't want to kill her. She's like spitting it across the room. Like, killer, I'm going to go into a room while she's asleep, and I'm gonna kill her. I was like, Well, anyway, let me know, we talked about how a few other people were feeling. And you know, how I was feeling frustrated and out of my depth. And you and then after a little while, you know, we I said, you know, how do you think God's feeling about her? And my daughter, actually this big sigh? And she's like, he wants her to be loved and cared for? And I was like, Yeah, like, that's really hard. Hey, like, gosh, you know, we, we can't do that on our own. Like, it's so hard. Like, we really need his help. Yeah, and, and being able to pray together. Like, even It was really hard for her, like seeing that struggle in her wrestling with God's plan for us to love people, but really wrestling with how hard that is. And then, you know, being able to vent and rant about that, but also to pray about it. And, you know, it was just such a beautiful moment of saying how this is growing my kids like, it's been really hard and scary. And it was important that we caught out when we did so that we didn't cause more damage to our kids. But yeah, I have no regrets of having her in my home. Like I can see how she has grown all of us. We learnt so much from her. And like I I hope that we had some positive influence in her life, too. But I believe that even though like it was a complete system failure that she was ever put in a house with other young kids, to be honest, like, so many people have. professionals have since said that. That's what I really yeah, like in that it's really frustrating and angry, like, when the system is not working, or they're trying to cut corners and save money by putting her here instead of putting her in a more specialized placement. But I believe that God use that system felt like, you know, I believe that she was a kid God wanted us to have at that time, and that he likes most of the gospel. Yeah, like, yeah, and Gosh, it's funny, like, it just reminded me of a story. So yeah, she would, she would come to church with us. And you know, we read the Bible, read at dinner table, and, you know, pray together. Yeah, expose to the gospel in our heart and right. And fascinatingly, there's a policeman who goes to church who she knew and was actually with her at a really traumatic time in her life, years ago. And so she remembered him and loved that he was at our church, and he trusted Jesus. And I remember was on her way home from school in the car, she also had a hearing impairment, so she could talk really loudly, like everything she said, was yelling, and she's ranting about this girl at school, who she didn't like she's in a support unit at school, and this other girl in the Support Unit, was having a go at her about something anyway. She said, you know what I said to her, I said, You know, I told her that Jesus is real. And she told me that God's not real and church isn't real. And I told her that, you know, I'm going to get my friend policeman Steve, to put you in my daddy's jail, like ***, my husband, and he's going to teach you about Jesus.

Laura Smith

Oh.

Roz

And that was her way of, you know, having a go at this poor girl. so funny. But again, it was a really nice moment of, Oh, well, you have learnt something here that, you know, like that. Yeah, there's hope that you know, like, can be that with all your intellectual impairments. And you know, that, and a trauma in your life. You've grasped something about Jesus. Yeah.

Laura Smith

Yeah.

Roz

And you know, I only think of, yeah, like her ending up in God using this horrible, broken system, to put her here and grow us and grow her, like, you know, that story of Joseph and his brothers and how they sold him into slavery. And he went off to Egypt and was imprisoned and you know, burned by by all these horrible things happen. And then years later, when he, you know, he's in this position of great power to provide for the people of Israel in famine, and he's, he meets his brothers again, you know, and he says, you know, that long He says to them, you know what you meant for evil god use for good. Yeah. And just the idea that God's picture is so much bigger than ours. And his plan is so much bigger than ours. He is powerfully at work within all this brokenness. And even within the broken fostering system and people making really bad choices for kids, he can still use us and still works for they're good enough somehow. And just trusting that

Laura Smith

what a reminder.

Roz

Yeah.

Laura Smith

How did you go in, in carrying all of that, though? That's a huge load to carry.

Roz

Yeah, like I think like, again, as, as all moms that foster moms or, you know, other mums, like, we carry so much worry and grief. And yeah, I found I just, I need to get in the habit of bringing all that to the cross and leaving it with Jesus, that we the last kids, we had, they're removed for neglect originally. But then while it's after a few months from now, there will be the US the little five year old girl disclosed sexual abuse to us, which they were suspecting that he had no evidence of, yeah, so then, of course, you know, we went through the reporting process, and had always appointments with counselors and detectives, but she only wanted to talk to me about it, she said, I only want to talk to mommy, Rob, but she refused to talk these counselors. And I'm like, I don't want to hear any more about this, like, I don't, it's too much like, it's Oh, it was really overwhelming, you know, like my heart just, you just break and these precious to kids, and, you know, I need to, then I'd have, you know, we'd go to all these appointments, trying to deal with this stuff. And you know, she's having nightmares, and you know, all these other behaviors related to, you know, trauma triggers and stuff. And then, you know, it had derivative visits with family on the weekend, and, you know, perpetrators would be there sometimes, and you know, you just have to leave them there and walk away. And

Laura Smith

You'd want to vomit.

Roz

Yeah, like, I just have this real, physiological response, like feeling sick, and, you know, having horrible nightmares about it, about her and about her family. And, you know, we talk about, they've got all these labels for this, right, like vicarious trauma and compassion, fatigue. And, you know, I've had my own counselor for myself, as well through this, you know, and I've had all those labels over the last 18 months going on this journey with her. And, like, it's just proof that we just can't bear all this brokenness and the heartache, and the pain, like it is too much like we weren't, we weren't made to carry all of this, our bodies literally break under all that pressure of all that brokenness and emotion. Yeah, but just remembering that Jesus invites us to come to him, you know, he says, you who are weak and heavy laden, come to me, and I'll give you rest. And we know that, you know, when Jesus went to the cross, he took all that brokenness and all that heartache. And at the cross your heel out that absolutely crushed him. But he came back from that he rose from the dead, and we can be confident that he can carry all of that all of this pain for us that he is he is stronger than artists shoulders can bear this, and that his heart is big enough, when mine just breaks and crumbles. He can carry all of that for us.

Laura Smith

Had it all this affects your relationship with God?

Roz

Um, good question. So, yeah, I feel like I had to learn how to be daily like that to be dependent on him every day. So, you know, like I was saying before, you know, I thought I was well equipped for fostering a strong person. But, you know, I found that that just wasn't enough that I needed to really depend on him every day, not just every day, but every moment of those days to get through that, you know, and he, gosh, it was amazing. Like, he was so gracious and kind to me and answering so many of my cries for help in many different ways. Yeah, I think he really sustained us that we, we've just been saying for the last few months now that the little ones ago, and, you know, we missed them. And we, you know, we're recovering from that season and moving into the next season, but your life is so much less intense without them. And we look back and go, Oh my gosh, like, how did we do that? How do we do that for 18 months, that was I just had no idea. And like, I know that, you know, it was only in God's strength, that we're able to do that. You know, I mentioned earlier about anger and pride. And you know, the first six months of having the two little ones I really struggled to like little girl like she just pushed all my buttons. And you know, I could go through all the moves of being loving Mom, you know, tucking her in at bedtime and seeing Jesus loves you and reading your story, give her a kiss saying I love you. But I really didn't feel it in my heart and like it was terrible. Like this little girl deserves to be loved for you. And I pray like every day for a while there that, you know government helped me to love her and helped me to really feel that genuine love. So am I she deserves to be loved. And that he would help her as well to feel safe with me and to let her guard down. And you know, over time, I can see he really did do that. And I really do. I can say that I really do love her. And yeah, like she pulled her thing she was so on guard all the time on high alert. You know, you ask if you want to hug and you could tell she wanted to hug but you know, give her a hug and she's so stiff, so rigid that she would just never relax because she's always on the lookout for danger. And such, you know, I can't imagine living like that was so heartbreaking. But I remember, like God is so gracious I remember the first time, she allowed herself to relax and just enjoy a real hug, you know, these hugs that you kids give you, when they just melt into you, it's like they're trying to get under your skin back in the womb. And that was only this year, like 12 months into their time without us. It took that long. And her sadly, him then died. And she was a wonderful woman, I really positive person in their life, that was a really big voice in your ear, she just sat on my lap and borrowed into me, and oh, like a hug. It's in so many ways, it's a small thing, but that hug for us was such a precious gift for both of us, you know, like, so beautiful. So like God, you know, you pray and you pray to pray. And he really, you know, he turned up for us and just seeing so many little ways, like in a hug, like, which took 12 months to come. Like, it was such a beautiful thing. And then, you know, just recently when we're, we're telling, we're getting ready for telling them that they'd be leaving us, you know, I prepared myself during my pride issues. I prepared myself thinking, you know, they might not care that they're leaving, they're probably gonna be really excited to go the next place, they're always talking about, you know, the next be a better place to go to. That's a coping mechanism. I know that. And that's okay, I want them to leave happily, I don't want them to be devastated. I'm okay with that. And you know, so I prepare myself for that. And you know, when we did tell them, they were super excited. And they were like, going on about how you know, the next place? Oh, they've got two dogs and two cats and two birds, you know, all their places way better than your house. And I was like, Yeah, that's great. That's really good. Anyway, I started packing the thing. And then a few hours later, the little girl came out to the kitchen where I was. And she said, Really quietly, she said, I'm confused. I'm like, sweetheart, what are you confused about? And she's like, I think I'm gonna stay here. Because I love you. And I was like, Oh, it was just a beautiful moment. It was so kind of God to give me that little validation, you know, that she did love me that all this garbage that she's throwing at me and that we've been through, that she could let her guard down long enough to say that to me, and long enough for me to assure her that, you know, I will always love you, no matter where you are. And that God is always with you. And he loves you more than anyone. And, you know, of course, the next day, the guard was back up. She was excited. She jumped in the car didn't look back, see you later. But But, you know, knowing that, you know, all that work that we've done, you know that God was starting to heal her heart. And he'd answer to me about prayers for her. And for me, you know, I don't know what his plans are for her. But knowing that, as she drove down that driveway that, you know, I could trust Him, and just be thankful for all the things that I could see that he'd done in our lives. Yeah.

Laura Smith

Oh, wow. that's Big. That's beautiful. That's kind.

Roz

Yeah, he didn't need to do that. Right.

Laura Smith

And it's like, he knew that right at the beginning. You started off with, you know, I just wanted her to love me. And yeah, he didn't have to answer that. But he saw what was in your heart. And even though he wrestled with that,

Roz

and he couldn't be it could have been no roads, you need to learn that she's not going to love you. And that's okay. You don't need her to love by love you. You don't need her to love you. And I would have been, I would have had to be okay with that. But to then wrestle with that come to that point. And then for him to generously turn around and have her say those three words.

Laura Smith

Yeah. How can you say that God has refined us through all of this?

Roz

Yeah, like so many things like, I'm a different person to who I was before. You know, like, yeah, I think my view of God is so much bigger. And, you know, I care way less about what other people think of me. But gosh, you got a supermarket with foster kids. And you learn very quickly not to care about what people think. I always I used to think of, like, Oh, I used to wish I could stick a label and a forward saying I'm a foster kid, you know, she's not my real mom. It's not her fault. I'm behaving like that. Anyway. I in theory, I care less about what people think about me. But I care way more about, you know, just trying to be faithful to God just trying to be a faithful, godly mom. I don't worry about what other people are saying thinking. Yeah, I think sadly, I think I'm sadder than I used to be. But also at the same time, more, more joyful and Jesus and more at peace with not understanding everything, not knowing his plans, and trusting him in all those uncertainties.

Laura Smith

That's real life, isn't it? Hmm. You've really helpfully highlighted their fear and worry, grief and all of these things that you've spoken of, and reminded us of truth in it's part of all motherhood, whether biological or fostering or adoption, or even grandparenting Yeah, what hope or encouragement would you offer to the mums listening who are wrestling with the worry, grief, etc

As we said before bringing it all to the cross, bring it Jesus, you know, we there's so many of those beautiful verses in the Bible that you know, where they say, you know, pray continually bring all your anxieties and worries to him, and he'll give you his peace that surpasses all understanding, you know, we can Philippians where it says, you know, we can be content in all circumstances, because we can do all things in Him who gives us strength. And I love that bit in um, Joshua and like, to be seen through a lot of the Bible, I think that'd be strong and courageous, do not be afraid, the Lord your God is with you, wherever you go. You know, trusting in the Lord with all your heart, lean, not on your understanding, acknowledge him in all your ways. You know, there's so many of these great things that, you know, just trying to remember those. And when we meditate on those things, I think our view of God just become so much bigger. And then that squeezes out the fear, like there's less room for fear when we have this being when we embrace those big ideas about God and really own them. And like, I feel for me, like, when I'm overwhelmed, you know, I can often struggle to find words, I struggle to find words, but I have no struggle, finding emotion, there's so many emotions. So I just, you know, I try to channel those emotions towards God, to give them to him, I can particularly last 18 months, you know, like, I just often say, the most ridiculous things like, I just be like, I gotta gotta gotta go to God. Like, that would be my prayer, like, or like, just repeating things like little mantras, like, you know, your grace is sufficient, your grace is sufficient, you're strong, and I'm weak, you're strong, and I'm weak. You know, I couldn't find the words. And there was no words that I could say that would would say what I was feeling but, you know, I didn't have the headspace or the emotional energy. They put sentences together in prayer, right, but, but just remembering that God doesn't need us to use words. He knows our hearts and our thoughts. And he, but he wants us to incline our hearts toward him in all of that, you know, to acknowledge Him and include him to show that we're trusting him in all of that stuff. If that makes any sense.

Laura Smith

I wholeheartedly agree. I'm just thinking of the mom who is in the trenches of fostering, would you have any specific encouragement for her? or What truth? Would you remind her of?

Roz

Yeah, yeah, I feel like there's a bunch of foster moms out there who are probably way more experienced than I am. But um, yeah, I think there's a lot of things that not just foster moms, but I think particularly foster moms, and some of the things that the stories that we hear, and all that kind of stuff, and the things that we think and feel about the kids in our care, some of those things can be really shocking and overwhelming to a lot of other people. Yeah, so I guess it's been really helpful for me to have people finding people, Christian sisters, who you can really trust, who you can be honest with and not feel judged by or, like, not feel like you burden them or sharing something that they can't handle. Does that make sense? Yeah, people who can listen well, and pray with you and encourage you to just keep trusting Jesus? Yeah, I think we need that support of our Christian family, because like the system that we're working in is really broken. And the support you get from the system is not good at all. That's been my experience every counselor Great, yeah. But having also having Christian friends who can just point you back to Jesus, and listen well and pray with you, and not not judging you for all those things that you're thinking and feeling. And then I guess, remembering that everything is broken like it, the system is broken. And while it's important to push for change in the system, and advocate for kids, you know, care, those are all good things. But we need to trust that God can work through this broken system, just like he did with Joseph and his brothers using evil for good. God will continue to work good in bad and broken systems, and he is bigger than the system and we can we can trust him in that.