36. Taylor Graham
1 December, 2021
Laura: Hi, Taylor, and welcome to unsung stories. Thanks so much for joining us.
Taylor: Hi, Laura. Thanks for having me. My pleasure.
Laura: Just say that Alison, this can get to know you a little more. Could you tell us a bit about you and what your family life looks like?
Taylor: Yeah, sure. So my family is myself, my husband, Jordan, and our little 16 month old boy Harvey. I work two days a week in the childcare centre on the coast. We go to Evie church and , that's pretty much our
Laura: life. Awesome.
Taylor: How old is your little boy? 16 months. Oh, what an I say
Laura: age. Yeah. So motherhood's a bit of a juggling act. Could you share how you prioritize your relationship with God during this season?
Taylor: So it's definitely a juggling act. I think that I just try to do really little things throughout the day, just to try to keep my mind focused around God. So it'll be just simple things like continuously praying is a really big one for me. I'm a really big believer in constant prayer. So I'll just. Constantly be praying in my mind, basically on and off all day, I find that's really helpful. I also find it really helpful to have little things that remind me of God around the house or. On me or with me. So sometimes if I'm feeling a bit distant from God, I'll wear a little necklace that reminds me of God.
Just having that there. When I like fiddle with it during the day when I'm at work or when I'm at home, it just reminds me that God is with me. , it just reminds me to pray and prioritize him through my day.
Laura: That's a really good idea. So how do you feel like your relationship with God has changed since you became a mum? So what was it like before you had Harvey and what's it
Taylor: like now? My faith has always been a bit of a roller coaster ride. I'm from a non-Christian family. So I never really had that kind of constant God talk throughout my childhood and throughout my life. So it's always been on me. Make that a priority and make it happen in my life before hobby.
It was probably a little bit more superficial just because becoming a mum and this may sound cliche, but becoming a mom has really. Opened my eyes to how much sin there is in my heart and in my life and how much I really need Jesus in my life. And I know that's probably an answer that you get all the time, but it's so true.
And it's not until I had Harvey that I was like, wow, this is really true. It really highlights everything. Yeah. That is why we need Jesus.
Laura: I don't think it's cliche. I totally agree with you. You mentioned that you don't come from a Christian family. How have you found that as a mom? So I do come from a Christian family and I feel there's just been so much, habits and things that we do just because that's what my family did.
Even the little Christian songs that we sing. How has that been
Taylor: for you? Yeah, it's been a bit of a difficulty, I think just mainly because in my Christian walk, I never really got even just the childhood stories of Daniel and the lions, David and Goliath and all of that kind of thing. And it wasn't until I was an adult.
And even until I had hobby and started hearing some of the stories that he would get read to a rating, a children's Bible that I was , Did that happen in the Bible, things like that. And Christian children singers. I know no idea had never really heard of Colin Buchanan before. I had never really had all that thing. And in saying all that I had the most beautiful childhood with the most beautiful parents ever. But , just all these things of , I have to decide, do we pray around the table?
Do we? And hobby's still so little, so we don't really do much of those things together as a family yet, but just , not even really having cover retain of, or even knowing what age is appropriate to start putting that into his life kind of thing. Yeah, it's been a bit of a struggle. My husband comes from a Christian family, so it's been good to have that. He like his knowledge thing. I was just
Laura: thinking, there's so much that I would go, it's just not second nature to start humming. Jesus loves me, that sort of thing. So intentional what you have to do, you can just really teach them what it means to be a Jesus follower. It's not, this is how we live as Christians
Taylor: it's, I don't know. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. You have to think about it in every step that you do because it doesn't come naturally.
Laura: Yes, but at the same time, it does come naturally because we are just teaching our kids to follow Jesus. There's not this is what a Christian family looks like. It's just, this is how I follow Jesus. Follow him with me. That is so true. So since you have become a mum, what have you found the most helpful way to read your Bible? Do you read it through in a year or do a study method or just pick it up and flip to a page and read.
Taylor: Yeah. So my church has daily reading notes that we go through a whole chapter of a book of the Bible each term, and they have little daily reading notes, and I find that's really helpful for me because.
I learn really well when I write things out, they only take two to five minutes to fill out the daily thing, which is perfect because Hobie rarely sleeps and is on the go 24 7. So that's something that takes 90 seconds to fill out is pretty much all the time that I get to really sit down.
And so , that helps a lot. And I also really like. Just rating through like sometimes I'm too tired to really study exactly what the words mean and what it's saying to me and all that kind of thing. And sometimes I just pick it up and just raid, or I read a book that is Christian that has Christian values in tangled in it.
So I'm it just feels like I'm reading a book more than studying it. And I just feel like if I can do nothing else except just rate it and then go to sleep, then that is okay for that time.
Laura: That's awesome. What's been a struggle in you spending time with.
Taylor: The main struggle has probably been time and energy. As you probably know, it's pretty chaotic to have little ones running around. And when you finally get that chance where you've gotten them to sleep, or it's night time, just trying to prioritize site, do you spend time with yourself or with your husband or cleaning or, that, that has been a really hard thing for me to balance what needs to go on top of the other, which sounds like a silly thing, because it should always be good. It's very hard to put that into practice.
Laura: What's something that's really grown you as a Christian in motherhood. .
Taylor: So I think the journey to becoming a mother was pretty much the defining moment in my life. For my Christian journey before we had Harvey, we had quite a traumatic miscarriage.
We've healed quite a bit from it now, so it's fine to talk about it, but , it was quite quite a defining moment for me because. Because I didn't have children prior to the miscarriage. Not that really makes it better or worse, but it meant for me that I was also on the outer of this club that I so desperately wanted to be a part of.
And just seemed especially in Christian circles, that motherhood was just. The unattainable thing that I needed to become, you find, a nice Christian man and you get married and you do everything right. And then you have a baby. And that just seemed to be something that wasn't happening for us. It took a really long time to fall pregnant. And then we found out that the baby had passed. At around the 12 weeks scan. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty, pretty rough time. , my heart goes out to anybody who has to go through
Laura: that. So that's a really definitive moment. In what way did that, to find your growth?
Taylor: Yes. I found that because it was such an all consuming thing to become a mother. For me, it was so such a consuming thing and I felt like it was almost written on my heart that I was going to be a mum. I work with children. It's just going to be something that happens for me. And all of a sudden I was face to face with something that I just couldn't control.
I'd never really had to put my trusting God in something that was so important to me, I'm pretty much straight after that. A few weeks after I went to a women's social event that my church was running and they had a huge panel of women up the front. And they're all talking about all things to do with being a mom and motherhood and all that kind of thing.
And I remember leaving. I actually left early and pretty much cried myself the whole way home. I remember thinking in that moment, this is what I need to decide. Whether I can withstand this kind of thing within a church setting. So I can either walk away from God now, or I can. Really hold on.
Laura: Taylor. That's horrible. .
Taylor: So that was pretty much the defining moment for me. And then I think that night was also the defining moment that really cemented prayer for me as well, because I remember I went home. And I just thought to myself, you know what, I'm just going to physically get on my knees in front of my God and just pray, but not in a way that had reds, because I just did not have any words anymore.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to feel, didn't know anything. And in hindsight that this Raymond's 8, 26 comes to me. And it says in the same way, the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless grinds.
And that was just me. Literally on my knees crying. And I just remember thinking , if this is not your will then take it from my heart because I can't. . I just can't. If this is on my heart to become a mom, Thank
Laura: you for sharing with us. How have you gone since you've become a mum? And it's a really tricky and hard scene showing experience has this expectation that you had of motherhood and this deep desire and longing for motherhood. How has it married up with the reality of it? ,
Taylor: it's been super different. You you long for it and you go through so much trauma to get it, and then it's here and it's beautiful and it's magical and you love this little person with all your heart. But then in really, like I said before, just magnifying. The scene that's in your heart, that's in the world , it can be pretty, it was pretty confronting for me. And I guess I'm still in the thick of it. . It took a little while for me to wrap my head around that I can feel. A lot of things about it in the one hit and that's okay because I have God and God will cover me in all of those things.
And as I had so desperately prayed to him before I can pray to him when I'm desperate now, or when I'm just in the mundane,
Laura: I felt really similar. I just had this immense fear that I wouldn't become a mum and this huge longing. And I just remember probably for the first, probably for the first few years, actually, it just realized how much I actually idolized things.
It actually was the first time that I've actually had. It's probably good that God doesn't give me everything that I asked for. Not saying that he shouldn't have given me my children for them, but that I can actually trust him with the decisions. He's obviously giving me, my children has been good for me. But I just realized how much I had actually idled. Being a mom and
Taylor: children. Yeah. When your idolization doesn't meet what you think it'll be. .
Laura: How would you encourage the mom who loves Jesus, but it's just feeling a bit distant to him in this season.
Taylor: I would just encourage Pratt, pres Bain, just a huge things. May it makes me feel. Like I have a really personable God who actually loves me and cares for me and wants to know all the things that I want and all of the things that, you know, whether it's in his will or not still pray about it. And, your desires might be something that may not happen for you.
I've found the only way to even try to make peace with that was to have God in my corner. And I felt to do that was to pray. So I would just encourage the mum that if you're feeling distant, it doesn't even have to be something massive that's happened in your life. Just, in the mundane every day.
I know that I get busy but just to take one second. . Out of even just walking to the bathroom and just sit on the toilet and just go, Hey God, I know you still there. I'm still here as well kind of thing.
I just pray for all the moms out there who are listening live. I pray that you will just hold them close through whatever they may be going through. Lord, I pray for all of those who have experienced the want to be mothers for the first time, for the second time, for the third, fourth, fifth, anytime.
But I just pray that you with them, Lord, I pray that you comfort them. You hold that hand, you hug them, you wiped their tears. Lord. I just pray that you'll be there for them through loss, through grief, through infertility, through all of those big issues that are so prevalent in our society for women, but just pray for all the moms in the everyday mundane, but I pray that you will be with them Lord and I pray that they turn to you in everything they do from the big things, to the traumatic things, to the small washing dishes, things, Lord, I pray that they just take time to just be with you, to be in your presence or to raise your word and to just know that you are there for them and you have them in your house.
In your name I pray, Amen